MAY >> JUN
Monthly reflection and outlook.
May was joyful and productive.
I'm still unemployed, and rather than feel guilty about that, I allowed myself to enjoy other things outside of the job search. Let's reflect.
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- Hung out with good people. I had a particularly social month with good food and friends.
- Bought new furniture. I have no regrets. I felt bad in the beginning, but the new things, in particular the pink cabinet, has really improved my quality of life. I make a small effort every time I'm in the bathroom to keep it clean, and the litter box's new position is a huge improvement.
- Monday cleaning routine. Even though I find myself wanting to slack as weeks go by, I still make an effort on Mondays to do this. I've even pushed bigger tasks onto Mondays, knowing I have a higher chance of doing them. A part of me worries that I'll fall off the bandwagon, but I have to tell myself that it happens, and I can just pick up the next week. Life, man.
- Booked tickets to Amsterdam. Another bigger purchase that was initially met with guilt, but now I just feel like I really need this. I need to experience new things, meet old and new friends, hang out with family, and eat good food! I am and have always been an enjoyer of life. When these things are taken away from me—whether by circumstances or by my own doing—I become depressed. (That and my imbalance in brain chemicals.)
- Made progress on my Taiwan project. It feels like months since I've even visited my Neocities, but I did make site updates in early May and watched a documentary that's been on my research list.
- Receiving an invitation for a first interview. This was weeks ago and I'm still waiting on the date. I don't want to write much more about it, and a part of me worries this opportunity will disappear, but I still want to put it here as it was a highlight this month.
- Cooking/eating Iranian food for the first time. That was a really fun night.
- Making new friends. I told my therapist yesterday that perhaps a huge reason why I'm feeling less anxious is because I'm starting to feel like I have people I can trust who are physically nearby. (The majority of my closest friends live in other countries.)
- Singing with queer chor schweiz again. When I sing with them I feel like I'm floating on a cloud, surrounded by angels.
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- Getting heat exhaustion. A reminder that I am very sensitive to heat and need to take proper precautions, even if that means not doing what I love for the sake of my health.
- Subsequent job rejections. I feel like 1 out of 20 jobs now are in English. It wasn't the case when I moved here, and I am trying to learn the language, but most jobs require German native/fluency. And I can't do that right now. Still, I apply anyway. But it's hard not to feel like I'm not enough, because that's exactly what a job rejection tells you: You're not good enough.
- Still not having a job and my time at RAV is over. But I told myself I'll worry about this after my vacation. Then I can panic or whatever.
- My German listening skills are still at a B1 level. I understand about 75% of what's happening in class. On paper, I'm good. But when the teacher explains things, I struggle to understand.
I think that's the bulk of it.
Looking forward to...
- My Dutch vacation! Planning my trip today.
- Seeing my cousin again. I haven't seen a family member in at least 4 years. I'm also meeting his girlfriend for the first time, and I'll get to see his funny yet anxious dog again too.
- Meeting new friends for the first time! Will finally see my language exchange partner in the flesh, and Daniel will meet his gamer buddy for the first time too.
- Finishing the German conversation course. It's been fun, but I'm looking forward to a break.
Goals
- Focus on job hunting after my vacation. I'm also going to ask around on foot and consider other things I can do, like petsitting, English coaching, etc.
- Make more progress on my Taiwan project. I'm worried that I lost some steam, but it's because the end of May got really busy for me. I want to pick it up again, but this time I want to make sure I don't sit for 8 hours straight and ruin all the hard work I've been doing on my posture!
- Manage my finances better. Now that I won't have a steady stream of income, I really need to manage money better. We might need to change up our meals (we eat a lot of ready-made stuff) and meal prep. I mean, I have a lot of time on my hands. What's been my excuse?
- Do more arts and crafts. Knitting project is still not done, and I bought a new watercolor set. I should finish/try these things before wanting to jump onto another hobby already.
- Land an interview. I say I want to get a job by June, but I haven't even managed to land an interview yet.
Conclusion
May was the respite I needed. I'm starting June with a positive and confident outlook, and I feel ready to face what's to come. I hope my vacation will put me in high spirits when I return, provide me with inspiration, and maybe even guidance on my next steps. Alright, let's fucking go.