MAR >> APR
Monthly reflection and outlook.
March was busy.
So busy that I didn't have time to freak out about my financial/job situation (will get to that later). I had to study for my German exam and practice for three choir performances. I had an event every weekend, and spent two weekends away from home. Let's reflect.
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- I was disciplined. I really wanted to pass my German exam, so I followed a strict routine, beginning in February, where I woke up every morning at 8:30, had breakfast, got ready, and spent 2 hours studying. On-Together really helped me with getting out of my pjs and pomming.
- I have my B2 certificate! I scored B2 on 3 out of the 4 categories which means I've officially passed with B2.* So my studying paid off! I wrote about my SDS exam experience here.
- We had 3 great choir performances! Touring around the Switzerland performing our program was a tiring experience, but fun nonetheless! In fact, it solidified my commitment to choir, and I signed up for the summer performances. All my choir posts are listed under the tagged section of my blog archives.
- Socializing. I attended a colleague's dj set, have been meeting another acquaintance every two weeks for a coffee catchup, met my friends and their kid, and attended another karaoke party. I've also been getting to know more people in choir, and have been invited to a going away party this Saturday.
- Blogged about past trips. I'm very happy that my travels have found a home! I've taken so many pictures with nowhere to share them. I tried sharing them on Instagram, but it didn't give me much satisfaction. I'm having a lot of fun organizing my travel page and resurfacing dormant memories.
- I finished a book. It was a short book, but it still took me a few months to get through because I'd only read a handful of pages per sitting. One afternoon, we took a walk and sat on a bench overlooking Lake Lucerne, and I finished it then and there. It's the latest entry in my library catalog.
- TINY PIXEL BEARS. Stayed up super late one night making tiny pixel bears of my pals and I plan on making more.
- Deleted my bearroll. I wrote my feelings about it here. And lately, I no longer have the urge to check whether I'm still "mutuals" with others because it doesn't matter anymore! My self-esteem is in the gutter right now so I'm glad that I have one less thing to worry about.
*I told N this yesterday, and she suggests that when I'm ready, I should retake the listening part so I can get B2 on that too. I agree, it bothers me that I have B1 on something, because I think that stands out a lot in a bad way.
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- A wave of depression. During the last few days of March, I was a hit by a wave of depression. No longer preoccupied with German or choir, my brain found it the optimum time to freak out about my impending financial crisis. I will blog about this later, probably after I post this.
- Feeling like I'm "too much." After our karaoke session, S said that we needed a break from karaoke. I took this personally, because I felt like I had been "too much" throughout the evening—singing too loudly, performing too exuberantly. While I had made a promise to myself never to dim my light when it comes to karaoke, it still made me feel badly that maybe I was no longer well-received.
- Fell out of my routine. After my German test, I noticed that I started to slip out of the routine. It began as a short break from the routine, but now I've been getting out of bed at 12 pretty much just lay on the couch all day unless I need to be somewhere. The routine has left the building, and I'm sitting here in my pjs having breakfast at 13:00.
- Doomscrolling Bear's Random feed. I haven't mentioned this at all, probably because I didn't think it was that bad, but I had already been obsessively refreshing Bear's discovery feed countless times per day. So when I learned about the Random feed (which I think is amazing, btw), my dopamine addiction got the best of me.
Again, more positives than negatives, but the positives happened earlier in the month and I'm experiencing the negatives right fucking now so... Yeah.
Looking forward to...
- House party on Saturday. Normally, being invited to unfamiliar situations is scary to me. But I'm feeling so shitty right now that I'm thinking this experience might be the jumpstart I need to get out of this depressive state.
- Queer Chor wrap party. Again, I was previously apprehensive about a social event, but now it's a welcome distraction.
- Baking April's FOTM cookie. I ran into a motivational problem this month and barely made it in time for March. I'm trying something new in April, so it's both daunting but exciting because I think it will taste really good!
Goals
- Prepare for my urologist appointment. Apparently I have to do a bunch of things prior to this appointment and I told myself I'd do it the first week of April. So, let's see.
- Update my portfolio website. I didn't do jack shit in March and I HAVE TO do it now, because otherwise, no job. However, I have a new idea for it.
- Get a fucking job. I sort of had an interview last month (well, an unofficial one). And in the end, I didn't get the job. I'm now trying to get a restaurant job and will apply for more service jobs because I gotta cast far and wide now.
- Improve my bedtime habits. I was just talking to my language partner about this, and I feel inspired to start curbing my bad habits tonight. No more doomscrolling, less phone time in general.
Conclusion
March was productive. So productive, that I didn't have time to worry about my current situation in life. Unfortunately, I ended March with all the negative feelings dogpiled onto me, resulting in this doo doo caca of a mood. (Didn't help that it was Winter 2.0 again the majority of the month.) Anyway, it's April now.